What is Real?

There are no words for this feeling in my heart. I want to try though because it is a feeling I'd wish for every person I've ever known and even those I haven't.

There has been a reassurance in my heart of what is real and I've had moments in the last few days that, though simple, I hope never to forget.

Ever since Ryanna drew her first depiction of the nativity(above) there have been little stick figure nativities drawn on every scrap paper in our house. I picked up a half dozen pages with these little sketches, sometimes 4 or 5 to a page, off of Ryanna's floor today and paused enough to let Him, the little baby, into my heart. The king of kings came to earth as a baby to a virgin mother... Far off leaders of other lands, or wise men, follow a star that brings them to the Christ child... Humble shepherds saw angels and were part of that silent night... Who could possibly believe such a story? Many minds believe it cannot be so. That these things are not real. The feeling I felt in that moment however was so much more real than the scraps of paper in my hand. I felt my heart burn in a way I can only describe as an authentic confirmation of truth in my soul, that it all really happened. 

I have a favorite Christmas show(The Forgotten Carols) with a character named John who identifies the perspective of disbelief in his nurse Connie Lou. She says she cannot believe the Christmas story though she wishes she could. He tells her that that is a great Christmas wish which she says isn't what she meant. He then tells her something that helps illustrate the feeling I'm trying to explain. He says he knows that isn't what she meant with her head "...but that's the thing about hearts, it doesn't care so much if it makes sense. The Christmas story...who could possibly believe it if there wasn't something in our hearts that said YES! It Is True!"

All the time lately I'm aware of the dichotomy of this life. In this very moment for example I'm feeling hungry and beginning to feel ready for bed; very real feelings for this physical being named Kristin. In fact, physical feelings are often the victor of the constant battle for my attention. Also awake at this very moment is what makes me more than a hungry, tired woman; awake is my spirit that resides in this physical body. That spirit is the heart of who I truly am and have been for much longer than 27 1/2 years. It is spiritually that I feel the soothing peace of communication though writing this. It is spiritually that my mind continues an inner dialogue of life, mankind, faith, and Christ's place in each. It is spiritually that I'm reflecting on what is real to me and why I care so much to identify it. I know in my heart that the baby who was born in Bethleham matters. I know that He is the Son of God. I know that He loves each and every one of us.

I am a physical person all of the time,
who slows down enough some of the time,
to remember I am a spiritual being first.

Maybe that only makes sense to me but that is what is real even if I can't explain it. I'm so grateful to feel these spiritual witnesses of Christ this Christmas season. It's made me feel like I'm celebrating Christmas for the first time. I have countless blessings, supportive friends, and loving family. My prayer is that we can all open our hearts to the immeasureable love of God and remember the blessings that came from a baby born on that silent night long ago.

Merry Christmas!
Happy Christmukkah! (Especially to my favorite Missoulans)
Love you all!