Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them

Update and pics

It is sad how neglected this blog is. Below is an update I sent for the Baldwin news letter. For as much writing as I do you would think I could get on here more but obviously I just don't. I'll try to make it up to you by dispersing some pictures throughout. :)

Q the ninja, Ian the lion, Ryanna the cupcake
at the library parade

Our fall has been busy and full of new adventures. We decided to have Ryanna go to preschool this year and she has loved every minute. I taught her in a small group last year and she did love it but informed me that this year she wanted to be big and have a real teacher, not a mom teacher. :)

The head teacher at the preschool is our Bishop's wife and is amazing. She even lives up to my high(perhaps too high) expectations for education and structure in the learning setting. Quinten had a hard time with sister being in school 2 days a week. In fact, the first day he cried from the time we dropped her off until the time we picked her up. It was heartbreaking but now after 2 months he is used to the new routine and enjoying mom time.

A few months ago we decided to have Quinten tested at an early intervention program here for his speech. Though we understood a lot of what he said, most people told us they could not understand even one word. His assessment showed that he is not significantly behind but enough so that he qualifies for services such as speech therapy/play and kindermusic. When he turns 3 he will be considered for an excellent preschool here with certified speech therapists as the teachers. Don't mistake this to mean that he is seriously delayed or considered at risk of any long term delays. This is a proactive option we have and so far are pleased with the progress he is making in annuciating words instead of just blurring them all together.

Also new this fall, I've started writing news from home for the radio station Brian works for. They have been short handed and pay me per story I email to the news director. So far it has gone well. Little extra income without too much pressure or added stress. I usually do my writing after the kids are in bed and a radio news story is a pretty basic and cut down version of news. It's been nice to exercise my mind and put my writing background to use.

A good witch who was sad after
not getting to ride the bus home
from preschool

eating snow after our first snow a few
weeks ago

Visit to the newly opened Dinosaur quarry
with our buddy Dylan

excited to show mom all the bones

Of course with the school year Brian has been busy as usual. Some days he feels frustrated by his school district job and all it entails but he does great and we appreciate his hard work. He also holds an important place at the radio station as a second job and is considered the production manager. If and when the owner gets another studio built, he will also have a morning show on a country music station. We'll see how life balances out when that happens but it is exciting to look forward to.

I enjoy this life with this family at this time.

I struggle every day with the right balance of it all.

For example, my dishes are almost never all done at the same time.

ALL that kind of stuff is a struggle for me.

It is never a struggle however to enjoy Ryanna.

She has a light and determination that scares me....quite a lot.

But leaves me admiring and enjoying her all the more.

She is beautiful in soul, body, and spirit.

It is never a struggle to laugh with and melt for my blue eyed boy.

There are moments I can see the person he is and will always be.

He is charming and his laugh is infectious.

I enjoy being a partner and team member to Brian.

There is a peace in having each other as we are,

 and with our different perspectives on many, many things.

This family that is mine is the treasure in my heart.

I'm grateful to my Heavenly Father for his perfect love,

and blessing me to have this family.

Q's favorite time of day...

My new Health blog

So after my last post I just kept writing and writing. I decided to make a health blog for me to post the things I'm learning to share with anyone who is interested. This is just another way for me to continue this journey and you're welcome to come along. :)

http://www.healthforthehealth.blogspot.com/

Obviously the header and design need some help. Please offer any suggestions!! Let me know what you think about anything and everything.

PS- At my mother's insistance I will get back to posting pics and videos of my darling kiddos. I have some good stuff to put up to if my phone will just cooperate!!

I can't put my finger on it but my brain seems to have rewired! Let me explain...

 So one of those books swimming around in my head has to do with health for health's sake. It's also probably the one I will never write since it is about 5th on my idea list. Yes, dear neighbor Alyssa, I aspire to write books. Aspire being the key word. Anyway, I've posted before about the the fit challenge and again about the mini Tri. To sum up the last 5 months all I can really say is my brain seems to have partially rewired and in case anyone cared to hear what I mean I'll share.


The bald guy with the gut....that's the 2010 Kristin

 Last year I was feeling physically subpar and emotionally crummy pretty much all the time when it came to the topic of my body. I knew exercise would give me more energy. I knew that eating more natural foods and having discipline with my sweets and junk intake would help me feel better and help me fit into my clothes. I knew that the campaigning about women accepting and loving their bodies didn't equate to eating pans of brownies and saying it's okay because I love myself. I knew enough about health and nutrition to know that I was headed down the wrong road, a road that was setting an unacceptable example for my kids.

Then WHY did it feel like I was facing an impossible mountain to make some changes? Why did I feel like I was setting myself up for failure and disappointment? Why did I feel so scared to just take an honest look at how my habits(big and small) were affecting my overall and longterm health?

The answer is obviously complicated but if you can relate to any of those feelings let me be the first to say I UNDERSTAND!!! The answer as I see it, though complicated, in its own way is also pretty simple. A big part of it has to do with accountability.

It is easier to say I'm okay with a few extra pounds than to admit that it's more than just 2 or 3 but closer to 30+. It's easier to say that "those" people at the gym are just ego obsessed maniacs who don't have any other meaning in their pathetic lives. It's easier to say I don't have the time, money, energy(insert word here) to exercise and eat healthy. I've got more of these up my sleeve because they are all things that I have thought or said. In fact, sometime not too long ago I told my friend Sha that(and I quote)  "I'm more comfortable with some extra chub on me" and I continued by explaining how when I am thinner I actually feel less comfortable in my own skin. Of course that and all of this is nonsense. Every single one of my excuses (and possibly any that you have come up with for yourself) come from a place of insecurity. Like a little demon inside that whispers, screams, sooths, lies, taunts, justifies, criticizes, excuses and continually leaves us feeling like we aren't good enough so why try.....

I'll tell you why! Because you are amazing and deserve to feel confident, capable, strong, and in control of your choices and life!! God gave you that body as a gift. Treat it right and it will be the vessel God intended for you to fulfill your mission in this life.

I know what you're saying. CHEESE FEST 2011. I know, I know.  I've heard things like that all my life and I never really thought I wasn't living up to it. I mean I didn't really consider my lack of focus on my immediate physical health as affecting my confidence, capabilities, or life's direction. But I now know it's all connected.

When I say my brain is rewired I don't mean I now spend my day thinking about my body as a gift from God and how amazing I am and how I deserve to feel, etc. I do try to remind myself of that when I'm feeling frustrated but what I mean by my brain being rewired is just that where I used to tell myself I didn't care, I now very firmly CARE.

I care that the more sedatary I am the more muscle I lose. I care that salty and sweet processed food reak havok on my insides. I care that my belly fat is literally working everyday to poisen my liver, heart, and countless other vital organs. Basically I finally CARE about my body and though I didn't realize it, my previous habits and actions were the opposite of caring; something more like hacking days off my life and livelihood. Yeah, I'm sounding pretty intense here but I honestly never knew just how bad all those "bad" foods and habits were until I took the time to really become educated.

So call me scared straight but I have to tell you I'm so grateful I started to care before I was over 200 pounds and in my 30's; two numbers I was(weight) and am(age) quickly approaching. I try to think about my daily choices as whether or not I am honoring the body I was given by God. It's a bit lofty but also helps my head stay in the right place when I feel like storming the town for cake, any and all. Golly, I do love cake BUT I've put it in the only healthy place it can be in my life, as the occasional once a week at the most treat(not the daily norm it used to be). That's how I am striving to honor my body.

I honor my body by fueling it with nutrient dense power foods.
I honor my body by challenging and strengthening my muscles.
I honor my body by pushing it; blood pumping, heart strengthening.
I honor my body by giving it recovery and rest.
I honor my body by striving to do these things every day.
And then my body honors me with energy, agility, peace, (etc); an amazing vessel to truly live in.

I don't feel like that every minute of the day but I still know that it is a true principle to live by and I find myself aligned with this focus more and more with time. It amazes me to express these feelings because my old feelings of frumpy dumpiness are still so fresh and the change has been so gradual I'm only starting to see it blossom after 5 months of consistency and hard work.

Hmmmmm.....I never really got around to telling you specifically what I've learned about HOW to be healthy and to lose weight the right way. I don't really want to crowd this blog but I gotta tell you, I was just getting warmed up here!! I suspect I have another post coming up and I'll just tell you it'll probably have a whole lot to do with belly fat. Good times I'm sure you're looking forward to. Oh and if you made it this far I'd love to hear your reaction to my above RANT. :)

In case you wondered

You might think I haven't posted because I don't have much to say. Just feel blessed you are not in my head because I have about 4 books currently swimming in there constantly pressing to get out but it's proving overwhelming and impossible to fit into my life right now. I'm going to have to find an outlet soon or there is no telling what my subconscious may do........

Melinda Smith Shoot

This makes 3 years I've been blessed to have the amazing Melinda Smith do a photo shoot with my kiddos. I always love her work and wish I could pay her more(cause she hardly charges anything for these mini sessions!). She is worth every penny of her normal charge but I always wait for her spring mini sessions to come around cause we are admittedly poor. The time slot is only 20 minutes or so but she always captures priceless photos that we love. Thank you Mindy!! There are more but these are all I could load up to blogger for now. Which are your faves?? I need to decide which prints to get for our living room wall. Hmmmmm.....

Easter Sunday

I've always celebrated Easter as a Christian but this year I have studied the life of Jesus Christ more than ever before and so this Easter is especially meaningful to me. The details of Christ's final hours and death are painful to consider. The beauty of Easter, however, is that His death was not the end and Sunday did come. Christ's resurrection fills me with hope and deep gratitude for the gift that we will each receive; that though we will all die, we will also live again. I can't wait for the day I can give Grandpa Don another hug and a slug on the arm. I find peace in 1 Corinthians 15:22 "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." I hope everyone enjoyed a beautiful Easter weekend. We certainly did and even though we had fun with egg hunts and candy, we still focused on Easter as a celebration of Christ's resurrection and what a beautiful gift that is.

My beautiful family before church

Back home and somehow found some candy

Dress survived church!! The last
2 times she has worn it the front has
been torn.

Have to get a silly one in

So my AWESOME friend Sha fixed this dress right up.
It was torn badly in two places and she just glued
on this strip of flowers. It's like a new dress and
even CUTER than before!! Sha, you really are a
catch - so glad I caught you as a friend. ;)

While she was busting out her craft skills she whipped up this flower
clip for Ryanna's hair. Is there anything you can't do Mrs. Neilson?!?!
Ryanna wouldn't take it out all weekend. She kept saying "I'm just
like Kenna!!" Too bad your mom isn't as cool as Kenna's. ;)

Since I am on a love fest about Sha I better add that she whipped up a complete Easter dinner of ham, roast, potatoes, gravy, and a special sugar free treat for me. Seriously, how did I get so lucky to have such a talented, generous, and true friend?? Just to top it off I have to say in all seriousness I just love ya Sha. Thanks for all you do for me and my family. :)

Saturday Afternoon Egg Hunt

We decided to do another little egg hunt for the the kids at Brian's office. I'll tell you what was on the kid's minds: Candy! Candy! Candy!




The race is on with Ryanna's buddy Malachi

Another buddy Dylan got in on the action

Quinten had no interest in the picture - only cracking those eggs open.




Thanks to the Baumgartens we had already dyed eggs for the kids to
decorate with stickers. Thanks guys! Right after this she bit the top
 off shell and all. Didn't seem to phase her....

 

Saturday Morning Egg Hunt

Our fab friends the Wardles (who also just this moment happened to drop off amazing banana cake for our Sunday dessert) hosted an egg hunt on Saturday morning. Last Thursday Ryanna was invited to an Easter party at her buddy Benson's house but had to miss it because of some less than acceptable behavior at the library. So since then she had been desperate to attend an Easter party. Thanks Tara, Andrew, and Tayson for inviting us!!

1 egg down....

I make this look good....

add a few rocks....

Isn't Kate's hair the cutest?? She's such a sweetheart.



When we first got to their house Ryanna was "shy"
Once the hunt began she was right at home :)



Oooooo what did you get??



The spoils - num num num!

Hurricane Quinten

The look in his eye. The milk in his hair. Meet Hurricane Quinten.

I came home from a run on Friday and Quinten was sitting on the kitchen table. He'd dumped an entire box of Cheerios onto the table and had filled up a cup of water in the bathroom where there is a stool and drizzled the water over the giant pile of O's. He had found a spoon, clean or dirty I couldn't tell you, and went about eating his massively satisfying breakfast. The massively satisfied grin on his face said it all. Hurricane Quinten strikes again!!

ps - dad was asleep on the couch...........

My special daughter

Lately everything has been "special" to Ryanna. Several times a day I hear, "But mom that is very special to me." This is usually in response to being told to put a certain toy or object she knows she shouldn't be playing with away. She has always had the ability to express herself through words, facial expressions, and emotions you can feel across the room. My words are inadequate, however, to express how truly special this little girl is to me. She has a deep beauty that I am blessed to be surrounded by. She loves openly and lives with a determined attitude. Her sweet love and acceptance of others along with her natural ability to think things through for herself are her crowning attributes. I feel so privelaged to be Ryanna's mother and to have a front row seat to her life. I know this is going to be an exciting ride!

Tonight she and her daddy are "camping" in the garage. He made her a bed in a little tent and she is thrilled by the great adventure of it. That is so our little Ryanna. 

PS- more pictures to come from our Easter shoot with the amazing Mindy Smith

Short version: I did a little baby triathlon today. 250 yard swim, 8 mile bike, 3 mile run. My only goal was to not stop at any time or walk during the run and I did it. Why did I do it? Well I've never really made my health a priority. This year I decided it was time to change that and eat a healthy balanced diet and by exercising 6 days a week. Thanks to some supportive friends(GO TEAM 4) and surprisingly my own determination I'm going strong. This triathlon was a lesson for me and as an example to my kiddos; of how hard work and consistency pay off and that being healthy for health's sake is worth it!!

Minutes before I was in the water "swimming"

See the 2 on my arm?

Final moments on the bike

Starting the run followed by my biggest fans :)
Bri said Q was calling for me

poor lil guy finally gave up

Crossing the finish line. See my medal?? I guess they
wanted everyone to feel special ;)

Mommy did it!

Long version: I was planning on writing about the last four months but I'm going to have to save that for later. I'll just stick with my experience today. If I decide to do a tri again I want to be able to go back and read about this experience. Well let's just get right down to business. THE SWIM: Near drowning would probably be a better description. Sure I took swimming lessons as a kid so I was probably about 10 the last time I swam a single lap and I'm sure I was below average. So a month ago my sweet and amazing friend Tari convinced me to get in the pool with her for a refresher course. It went pretty good. She said she had seen worse. So between that lesson and the swim today I've been in the pool praciticing about once a week. Well about 10 minutes before the race I found out the pool was 25 yards in length not 50 yards. Obviously my sense of distance is no good and the 2 lifeguards I asked a month ago were misinformed. So the idea of swimming twice as far made me nervous and it just didn't go well while I thrashed along in the water. Ugh. THE BIKE: This I enjoyed and knew that I would. The first 4 miles were uphill and I was passed by probably 5 or 6 pros. They were seriously impressive. The last 4 miles were downhill which is obviously a great relief while biking. I would love to invest in a road bike in the future. I just put on my classical music/MoTab/show tunes and enjoy the ride. Not much else to say about the bike.
THE RUN: Transitioning from the bike to running is killer. My legs felt like they were 500 pounds a piece. First mile I had evil thoughts. "noone will know if I walk for just a few minutes, loosen up my legs." "this was a stupid idea, running is for psychos and criminals" "Pump It?? Easy for you to say Black Eyed Peas. My legs feel like they are full of rocks!" Like I said, that transition from bike to run is killer but after about a mile I got my running legs back and felt good. Good for me is when your legs may be feeling it and I may have a side ache but I'm good with the pain and dare say enjoying the burn(for a limited time, not in the marothoner pain loving way;).

The best part of the day for me was Ryanna's excitement. I want her to know that having a real, womanly body is a beautiful gift from God. Feeling like a real woman has nothing to do with the scale or a dress size. I hope she sees that I exercise to be healthy, accepting my body the exact way that it is.

WHAT THE KIDS WERE UP TO WHILE MOM WAS MOVIN':