This story on this blog http://www.mbhfundraising.blogspot.com/ has inspired me to speak up for Mothers, who the weight of this world rests on. In particular I speak about the worth of Stay-At-Home mothers.
Is my "career choice" at this time as a stay-at-home mother a waste as some have put it? A "waste of potential" as I've been told by a sincere but altogether too feminist for my taste friend. I CHOOSE to sacrifice a paycheck in order to become my children's life. To be the constant source of love, patience, and example. Not everyone can or desires this path BUT I DO and I believe that my sacrifice at this time is not only worth it but is a divine mission. I'll be damned if a judge rules a mother who has chosen to stay home with her children as unqualified to raise her children because at the time of the divorce her financial prospects pale in comparison to her husbands 6 figure income. I was raised in a modest home where stories are told of occasional bare cupboards and starving brothers scraping raisons off the floor to curb their hunger. Of course noone remembers this version of events except them but still it is fair to say we survived without luxury and nothing went to waste though my parents chose never to seek financial assistance. Over the years financial status improved due to living a practical lifestyle within the means earned. Six figure income? How about middle-lower class in Montana.
MY POINT: I grew up in a home full of love and committment from my parents. I learned to work hard, be practical, and seek loving relationships. After leaving home the natural path for me was to hope one day to have children of my own, a home where I could share the kind of love I'd felt my entire life. Meeting Brian started me on that path, much earlier than I expected I must admit, but I've felt a divine power guiding our life since then. What could I possibly mean by that you may ask? Well I'm 27 with 2 young kids. I have the power to make or break their world with my words, attitude, and sincere attempt at raising them to be the real deal; people who reach out around them in this world to lift and think beyond themselves.
If I accomplish this divine mission then my lack of a luxurious lifestyle to give them doesn't matter. In fact, it never did matter. It is the care, love, time, and respect we show our children that determines our worth as parents. No mother should lose her children because she cannot offer a 6 figure income. They may gain the whole world but never grow a heart to feel for humanity or eyes to see the good they can do through kindness.
5 days ago
5 comments:
Wow! I can't believe that judge! What a terrible decision. Thank you so much for writing about your thoughts on staying home with your kids. I'm about to make the transition from working full time for 7 years to being at home with my baby. Of course I'm choosing this and wouldn't want it any other way! It doesn't come with a pay check, but I believe the "greatest work I'll ever do will be within the walls of my own home." Love ya! Home Grandpa Don will return back to health soon.
I want to preface my comment by saying that I don't want to take away from Maralee's plight and the terrible injustice that has been served to her. It is truly a terrible situation and, because of my personal situation, I don't understand how it happened. But I would like to try to adjust the attention a bit from "mother vs. father" to "justice vs injustice" by describing my situation, which I believe is, unfortunately, very common.
I was married for 20 years and during that time until the last 3 years, I was able to provide for my family financially, primarily with my income. Eight years before my divorce, my ex-wife decided that, because our children were older, she would start working part-time to bring in a little extra income. In short, she was put in a situation by her employer that lead her and her "boss" to commence having an affair. When I found out about this, her summer job was just ending, so I thought it possible we could overcome her "infidelity." When the following summer rolled around, she informed me she was, again, going to work for the same employer working, again, alone with the same "boss." Because of her strong will, I felt I was unable to do anything about the situation. She had this same summer job for 5 years. God only knows what else occurred during this time.
After this time, I was laid-off from my job, so it was necessary for my ex-wife to find full-time work. So as not to drag this on, during the 9 months it took for our divorce to become final, I found out she was "dating" her "boss" of this new job for nearly the 3 years she worked there. During the last year of our marriage, she spent every Sunday with him, without (at the time) my knowledge. They also went on several "business" trips together, by themselves.
My point of this is that, even though she was unfaithful for the last 8 years of our marriage, admittedly committing adultery, and doing everything in our divorce settlement to make me look like the "bad guy," she was awarded custody of our 2 minor daughters. Why? Because in Utah, a father has practically no chance in he?? to get custody of his children, regardless of the situation. Ok--I still get my visitation--right? No. N-o.
I totally agree that the mother has the most loving and nurturing influence with the family's children. As it should be. But the mother can also have the most damaging and unjust influence. In 3 years and 4 months, I received NO legal visitation and paid 100% of my child support, even while unemployed for 1 1/2 years.
I admit my comments here are quite brief, and don't explain the full scope of my situation, but I would like to say that I feel I did everything I could for my family, financially, temporally, and spiritually. I also did what I thought I should, to keep our marriage together. But because of selfishness, this wasn't to be.
My biggest regret is the time I missed with my daughters, particularly through their teenage years. And I also regret the relationship I should have had, had my son not become estranged from me for over ten years because of his mother's and grandmother's negative influence. (continued in next comment)
(continued from last comment)
I want to say, again, that Maralee's situation should never have occurred. I am still just baffled by it. But I have learned from my own situation that the justice system often fails those who have been faithful, true, and responsible in their actions. I have learned that those that sit in power over us are just as human and just as susceptible to the same evil temptations and selfishness as everyone else. (BTW, the judge that oversaw my divorce was disbarred 2 years later for years of illegal drug use and having several adulterous affairs.)
I just want to point out that injustice in marriage and divorce is rampant and happens to the best of us--mother or father.
I wish Maralee the best and would do anything I could to help her and her family with her situation. My (new, sweet) wife has known her family for many years and has the utmost respect for them. Thanks to anyone that read this.
Wow. That is so bothersome, so disturbing, so heartbreaking. What recourse does she have? I don't know much about law at all. Can she appeal? Isn't that the point of child support? In case the parent with less money gets the children?
And to Anonymous - it sounds like your case is similar and I'm sorry that the judge ruled the other way (children to mother instead of father) for you.
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