Beware of the whisper

It's quiet and past midnight. I'm thinking about a variety of things like how this life and our happiness is a matter of heart; how we respect and love those around us. I just finished watching Les Miserables if that explains why. This train of thought naturally led me to think about my ability to love in the way I speak and treat those around me. Unfortunately, after feeling content that I'm generally a kind and generous person I thought about some specific moments today and the way I spoke to my kids. To put it simply my bathroom had become Sea World with the extra special effect of having a roll of toilet paper shredded and all over compliments of the puppy. We were all in the bathroom because I told myself there was no way of getting around the job of laundry and no more excuses just get going. I'm pretty sure when I get in that mode my body releases some kind of hormone that my kids and the puppy pick up on. It immediately sets them into panic mode to regain my attention as the number one priority and all hell breaks loose. So in the time it took me to run upstairs and put some laundry away so I could start a new load Ryanna was "washing her hands after going potty" aka bathing the bathroom, Quinten, Shelly, and herself all the while pantless. Quinten was standing on top of Shelly's pet carrier helping out and like I said Shelly was busying herself with shredding TP. Did you know one average roll of toilet paper when shredded can fill a bathroom floor up to your knee? My blood pressure spiked and I firmly(let's be honest, firmly = yelled) "STOP IT!" This didn't really phase anyone so I entered the redzone. When this happens I get Ryanna's attention using a truly heartbreaking method. I hate to admit it but that's when with fire in my eyes and pure evil in my voice, I whisper "Why can't you just listen to me?" It almost scares me now to think of it because I remember how that whisper came out of my mother's lips and its effect is lasting considering the thought can still make me shudder. So it is no surprise that Ryanna burst into tears and more trauma ensued. In those moments I'm not at my best and it's so easy to see that redzone mom face, while effective in the moment, could be replaced by a route that takes more patience and maturity. When I keep my cool and take things in stride there is more balance in our home. Ryanna and Quinten make our lives. Their innocence and personalities fill our lives with joy when we open our eyes to what this world looks like through their eyes. When I take a timeout to think it through I can see that though the messes and tedious moments of motherhood are many, the special and irreplaceable moments I share with my children throughout a day dwarf even the messiest of bathroom extravaganzas.

The love I am capable of as a mother, is at its best when even in those frazzled moments it shines through above all else! I can't promise to get it right every day but I can easily promise to keep trying even though I know I'll fail once and a while. I'm just grateful for the unconditional love those kids show me and Ryanna's blunt reminders to "Say sorry mom". When we get out the sorries and pass around some hugs it occurs to me, who wouldn't enjoy a waterfight in a white wonderland?