What is Real?

There are no words for this feeling in my heart. I want to try though because it is a feeling I'd wish for every person I've ever known and even those I haven't.

There has been a reassurance in my heart of what is real and I've had moments in the last few days that, though simple, I hope never to forget.

Ever since Ryanna drew her first depiction of the nativity(above) there have been little stick figure nativities drawn on every scrap paper in our house. I picked up a half dozen pages with these little sketches, sometimes 4 or 5 to a page, off of Ryanna's floor today and paused enough to let Him, the little baby, into my heart. The king of kings came to earth as a baby to a virgin mother... Far off leaders of other lands, or wise men, follow a star that brings them to the Christ child... Humble shepherds saw angels and were part of that silent night... Who could possibly believe such a story? Many minds believe it cannot be so. That these things are not real. The feeling I felt in that moment however was so much more real than the scraps of paper in my hand. I felt my heart burn in a way I can only describe as an authentic confirmation of truth in my soul, that it all really happened. 

I have a favorite Christmas show(The Forgotten Carols) with a character named John who identifies the perspective of disbelief in his nurse Connie Lou. She says she cannot believe the Christmas story though she wishes she could. He tells her that that is a great Christmas wish which she says isn't what she meant. He then tells her something that helps illustrate the feeling I'm trying to explain. He says he knows that isn't what she meant with her head "...but that's the thing about hearts, it doesn't care so much if it makes sense. The Christmas story...who could possibly believe it if there wasn't something in our hearts that said YES! It Is True!"

All the time lately I'm aware of the dichotomy of this life. In this very moment for example I'm feeling hungry and beginning to feel ready for bed; very real feelings for this physical being named Kristin. In fact, physical feelings are often the victor of the constant battle for my attention. Also awake at this very moment is what makes me more than a hungry, tired woman; awake is my spirit that resides in this physical body. That spirit is the heart of who I truly am and have been for much longer than 27 1/2 years. It is spiritually that I feel the soothing peace of communication though writing this. It is spiritually that my mind continues an inner dialogue of life, mankind, faith, and Christ's place in each. It is spiritually that I'm reflecting on what is real to me and why I care so much to identify it. I know in my heart that the baby who was born in Bethleham matters. I know that He is the Son of God. I know that He loves each and every one of us.

I am a physical person all of the time,
who slows down enough some of the time,
to remember I am a spiritual being first.

Maybe that only makes sense to me but that is what is real even if I can't explain it. I'm so grateful to feel these spiritual witnesses of Christ this Christmas season. It's made me feel like I'm celebrating Christmas for the first time. I have countless blessings, supportive friends, and loving family. My prayer is that we can all open our hearts to the immeasureable love of God and remember the blessings that came from a baby born on that silent night long ago.

Merry Christmas!
Happy Christmukkah! (Especially to my favorite Missoulans)
Love you all!

7 Years and blessed in Love!

Exactly 7 years ago I couldn't sleep. I was staying at Aunt Jane's house who only lived a few minutes from the Salt Lake Temple where I would be married the next day. My sweet little sister who was only about Ryanna's age at the time (4ish) was asleep in the sleeping bag next to me and I lay awake next to the fireplace. There was a churning feeling in my stomach and I wasn't sure I'd be able to sleep. I just listened to Kayla breathing, watched the fire, and just lay there smiling. Really, I couldn't wipe that silly grin off my face. I'd only met Brian less than 5 months previous to that moment, obviously we'd had a ridiculously quick engagement, and here I was the night before our wedding. We pretty much spent every possible moment together since we'd met in August and not all of them were great. We might have had one or two moments that were red flag moments - "Hello! You're still young selfish kids with little business getting married." It's possible many or most of couples have those and still run to the alter, especially in LDS culture. What we had going for us though was (and still is) commitment. Not in a contract sign on the dotted line kind of way. More like no matter how bonkers you may or may not drive me I still know I NEVER want to be without you. That and some reassuring prayer experiences sent me to the alter as giddy as you'd ever see a bride. I loved every minute of our wedding day and had more than one person comment on that smile I just couldn't wipe off or in other words what in the world has come over Kristin!?!?!?! Wasn't she the resident man hater????

The last 7 years has had high highs, painful lows, mundane in betweens, long laughs, and in every variation. I've learned about pride(both forgiving it and letting my own go). I've learned about respect, how like most virtues must be given before it's ever expected in return. I've learned about sports....literally every sport.....and somehow learned to enjoy it(overall). I guess that naturally leads to how I've learned about change; my own maturing, transforming, and evolution into a still learning and loving wife. Mostly with change I've learned I'm an idiot for thinking it was my job or privilege to "change" my partner. Hello! This is the man I chose and he's a package deal! The beauty of accepting your partner as they are is they usually follow in suit and embrace your package deal full of wonder and including faults, annoying habits, adult zits, glorious stretchmarks, etc. Now THAT is liberating!!!

It doesn't bother me to admit freely that we've had and still have struggles. Those first couple years I know we shared more than one rough stretch and there were times we both wondered how two people who are so different could really make one life together work. What is really amazing is that for each mountain, big or small, that we climbed together the scales tipped more in our favor. Each battle won has strengthened our union. We're still distinct individuals yet we are also just as distinctly a WE. That must be what happens when you give a marriage the time and commitment to mature. I am fiercely proud of the relationship Brian and I share, how we have grown up together, and that we continue to face the future together absolutely committed.

This tribute wouldn't be complete without mentioning our little offspring. I keep bringing up the commitment factor for some reason but here it comes to mind again. I said we started off with commitment on our side and I think it is worth sharing that whatever quantity of commitment I thought we shared on our wedding day is nothing compared to what it became the day we became parents. I love how we are learning about parenting together. Having children together and sharing in parenting has the potential to solder the bond between a man and woman becoming mother and father together. The last 7 years have been a blessing and quite a ride.


7 years is only a scratch on the surface of the story of Brian and I. I can't wait to live the rest of it and with the guy I NEVER want to live without. Love you Bri!!

I can't let sports get me down. Living a new rush.

(I acutally wrote these first paragraphs a couple months ago, but didn't publish it) As much as I relied on sports as a young kid I find myself getting annoyed by sports as and adult. I'm not only thinking about my Bengals who lost a 7 point lead with 2 minutes left today, and lost by a field goal... or the Reds who got no-hit last week for the first time that I can remember... double worst it has to be in the playoffs!!!

 But I'm thinking about what good sports does anymore. I played and watched sports out of loneliness and a need to do something. I enjoyed sports because of the thrill I would get out of competing and having a war in the paint, or on the mound, or in the trenches. Today the focus on sports is stats and championships. Where is the enjoyment? Do these pro-athletes even enjoy the games they play anymore? If they are out of a playoff race, are they playing to have fun or their next contract? 

 I fell in love with the Bengals when they went to Superbowl XXIII in the first year I watched them. I fell in love with the Reds when they won the 1990 world series. And then when I moved to Utah from Cincinnati, I fell in love with watching Stockton to Malone. With all of my favorite teams combined I have one championship and three small market teams that are always looking in from the outside. The Reds, Bengals and Jazz all made the playoffs in 2010 but I honestly could hardly watch an entire game for any of them. The Reds go no-hit last Wednesday... the Bengals laid an egg (mostly their kicker) against the Jets... the Jazz always have to play the Lakers. So you can say the first problem is that my teams just aren't good enough... the second problem is, they probably won't ever be. 

 For pro sports, the focus is on winning and how much money it takes to win. For my teams, who don't have the money that the Yankees have, It is always "tough luck." (Back to today) I guess I can't complain about my Jazz. Last night they lost to LeBron, but so far this year the Jazz are still atop their division and are an exciting team to watch. 

 The Bengals... well, losing 9 in a row sucks. Last night, I made my debut as a basketball coach. Coaching 7th grade (four 6th graders too) is quite the adventure. These are not boys, I am coaching girls. Most of the girls haven't played much but there are those who live, eat and breath sports. My job is to teach fundamentals and to make sure they are enjoying their time. My philosophy on coaching is to show endless confidence in my players and get the most out of them.

 In football this year, while playing teams that were much better than we were, I failed. My offense scored just 6 points in the final 5 games. In basketball... well, the jury will be out for a while on this one. Last night was a new rush for me. I can't play anything but church ball anymore, so its time to live my competitiveness through those I coach and parent. I will try hard to not be one of 'those dads,' I promise. 

 Anyway, last night the Lady Utes were a little intimidated by the other teams size. The Pirates from Mount Harmon came into the gym very disciplined, hooting and shouting their cadence as they stretched and warmed up. My girls were shooting, laying up, and rebounding while having a good time. They were excited, and nervous much like me. My girls would say, "why are those girls all so big?" I replied, "must be something in the water, they are from down by where Shawn Bradley grew up..."

 I am proud of the Ute girls. In a game with just 6 minute quarters, you can't get behind early. After the Pirates scored the first two, my girls found it in them in the second quarter to take a commanding 9-6 lead at half time. IN the 3rd quarter the Lady Utes didn't score but 2 points and found themselves down 14-11. The score would stay the same with a little over 3 minutes left in the game when we hit a free throw. 14-12. A few trips down the court later we kept the momentum and hit the tying shot, 14-14. Immediately the balloon seemed to deflate as the Pirates came down with less than a minute left and took the lead 16-14. Without panic, the Lady Utes went down and got a rebound off of a close shot and put it back in for a 16-16 tie. In the matter of 30 seconds both teams put the ball in the basket more than in the previous 9 minutes of play! Now, just 44 seconds remained and the Pirates had the ball. With a missed shot, the Utes got the rebound and pushed the ball down court and got the foul while driving in. 

 I called a time out and told the Utes, "we just need one of these free throws and 22 seconds of defense.." The first free throw bounced around and went down. The second, missed. The Pirates got the ball and went down with a desperation shot and the Utes won. 17-16. What I loved about yesterday was the intensity of those proud parents and the fact that the Utes never backed down. No matter how big the girls were, the Utes never thought the game was lost. Coaching is fun, perhaps a replacement for sitting on the couch and watching my professional teams continuously let me down.

Already loving Christmas!!

Standing on a present and ready to JUMP!

Singing and Dancing to Bing Crosby's White Christmas.

Last night the kids got to open their jammies. Then when they
were all jammied up we read our Christmas books.

Ryanna helped me set up the Christmas village
and Nativity. Now if only we could save them
from Mister Mischief. So far there are
two beheaded villagers....

In their new jams

Not Christmas but this is what Q
likes to do at some point during the day

the family picture that wasn't

Are you like me and get psyched up occasionally over things that are too good to be true? Well "free" family pictures as a holiday gift at our insurance company were most definitely too good to be true. First of all the photographer was a cheeseball. The backdrop was a cheesefest. And he managed to get all of 2 poses for me to choose from one of which has a basketball in it because Quinten wasn't happy until he was holding it. Now it's not the photographer's fault that Quinten was having a hard time but my theory is keep that camera flashing instead of waiting for that perfect shot. Give me some variety and we are bound to find one where we're all at least LOOKING at the camera. I think we were doomed the moment I said "we just want to do the family shot. Thanks!" In other words, we just want to do the free picture so don't bother trying to get us anything decent because obviously you are being held against your will and we aren't worth your time. Oh and by the way I'm honestly ticked because I looked like an ogre in both pictures but what do you do! And they gave my kids off brand Mountain Dew thinking it was Sprite.

Wow. I didn't realize I was so worked up about this. Deep breath.

I tried several times today to get the kids dressed up in their new cute outfits to get some pictures of them together and separate. Do you want to guess how that went?? Well actually Ryanna was totally being a ham and I got lots of cute ones of her but Q was generally unwilling to comply. If I can't make something work then I'll have to beg a friend to try for me and I know just the one to pick on. :) Poor Sha. Being my friend is sometimes like having an extra kid! As long as I'm being a baby about all this maybe I'll beg you to take a family pic for us one of these days too...........

Well now that I got that off my chest I'll share a couple of the funny pics from today's photo marathon.

And this is 6 hours before the Mountain Dew!

yaaaa....good luck!

awwww....first mug shot ;)

These boots were made for dancing!

I'll just slip this ornament topper in when noone is looking....

The problem with the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small. ~Mother Teresa

(*NOTE* Here's the link to the book/study about religion in America that I haven't read yet but have read about and got me going on this train of thought. http://americangrace.org/ And here is the link about just some of what the book had to say about Mormons in American Culture http://beta-newsroom.lds.org/article/major-new-study-of-religion-has-much-to-say-about-mormons )

I could probably write half a dozen separate posts right now but I think I'll just see what I can get down in one. I think it starts with my faith as a Mormon and more specifically my devotion to Jesus Christ.

Sometime last summer I had one of my brain clouds - I get a feeling to learn more about something and feel compelled to collaborate and learn from/with others. I call it a "brain cloud" because it just kind of slowly moves in like a fog and stays around until I either do something about it or ignore it long enough it fades into the background. Well this particular brain cloud had to do with religion.

How do different faiths interact? How do the individuals generally view one another? What perceptions do we have of each other? Which of these are based in truth or misconception? What common ground do we share? What kind of neighbors do we make? And then more personally, what is it about the Mormon faith that makes others so uncomfortable? How do I open the door to discussion?

Last summer I had the great opportunity to spend time with some best friends(you know who you are!) in Montana who are of a variety of faiths. I was somewhat surprised when one friend hesitantly(and respectfully I'll add) asked if it was okay to ask me a question about being Mormon.  I indicated I was an open book to any of their questions or comments no matter how controversial they may seem. So the big question was what did I think about the South Park episode about Mormons?? Okay, it was a funny moment. First of all I hadn't seen it but regardless of what was in the show I told them it didn't really bother me. And honestly it doesn't. I mean I suppose it was full of  UNtruths and DISrespectful jokes but that really has nothing to do with a religion.

Here's an example: For hundreds of years in literature, media, and television, Judaism has been MISrepresented, MISjudged, and DISrespected. But where has most Christians(and others) received their information to form opinions on Judaism in general and in America? From the MIS- or DIS- sources(I'm referring to books, media, TV, etc MISinforming and DISrespecting). Not usually from a direct source...you know like an actual person who practices Judaism. What a concept!


So I've asked myself. What would a "direct source" about a religion or faith look like? What about an entire community of individuals who can turn to a real person and find out what that actual person believes, what faith they follow, and how that faith lives and breathes for them? I don't really mean in a missionary/spread the word type of way. Rather I mean as an informative, respect driven forum? Obviously technology makes this concept exceptionally easy even for the less tech savvy of folks. But still I hesitate because it just seems a little too good to be true. Easiser said than done.

Religion is a lot like politics and its discussion can turn your average person into a bubbling brew of passionate lecture, spewing out vague phrases like "burn in hell" - what does anyone really mean by that anyway?? I mean does anyone out there actually believe in a little red devil with horns and a spiked tail? And likewise an uncompassionate God who simply sends masses to "burn" for not being born at the "right" time or within the "right" culture? I don't know. I guess maybe there are some who do but my gut tells me that MOST people are sincere and sophisticated in their faith. They choose to live the way that they do based on real feelings of what they see as right and wrong.

I believe MOST people feel brotherhood and compassion for the people in their community and in the world. And yet I also believe that MOST people are uneducated or misinformed(comfortably in some cases) about the core doctrines of any other faith than their own. Is there something to be feared there? In understanding what another group of people believe?

I can understand that what I'm referring to is no small task. There are probably professors of world religions who dedicate their lives to simply learning about the many faiths in this world and only scratch the surface. So is that what I'm suggesting...if so that is simply not reasonable. But what about opening or offering ourselves to those around us? Asking our friends and neighbors what they believe and with only one motive; of knowing them better. Isn't that the heart of real friendship? Sincerity. Feeling safe enough to share what makes us real and vulnerable. And religion is like that to most people. It's not a joke or a game. It's not a club or an obsession. It is where our heart feels truth - sometimes like a comforting whisper and other times like a fire burning.

That is what my faith as a Mormon is for me. It is where my heart feels truth. Like the ringing of a bell in my soul; I am a child of God. I have a purpose on this earth.


So that is where I'm coming from and a little introduction to where I think I'm going. So to all my friends of all faiths(yes, that means you!) what would an open forum of religion look like to you? Would you share what you know about your faith(Doctrines, culture, etc) and what it means to you? And any parting words of wisdom (like "hey you're a nutjob and should shut your trap")?


I'm looking for some more "open book" people out there...Is that you????? Regardless this should be interesting and I'm looking forward to it.

"If we are to have the best Christmas ever, we must reach out for the carpenter's hand."

Silent Night, Holy Night, All is Calm, All is Bright...

How do I put this..... It's been a rough patch for me. Not in any of the truly serious ways but in the simple things. I actually am finding it nearly impossible to put the feelings to words. Well here is an illustration. I cried yesterday. I hauled both kids(crying hysterically) up to my bed, laid one on one side and one on the other side of me and then carefully let go. Literally. 15 minutes previous everything had been just fine and then Ryanna bit Quinten and I planned where I could go cry. Crying for me is never spontanious or often. It is usually a very conscious choice for me. One that I can logic myself into scheduling for the right time and place. So now that I was on my bed with each child clinging to my shirt I took a deep breath and let it happen. Tears for all my fears. I'd be a complete lier if I didn't say I have fears, and quite a few of them. The one though that keeps coming up is that I'm not a good enough mother for Ryanna. I actually have the fat ego to admit I think I'm a good mom. I know I love my kids.

I tend to be level headed in the way I react to the different things they throw at me. I try to make sure they eat healthy, get enough exercise, and read plenty of books. They are kissed, hugged, and encouraged daily by two present parents. In all I feel like it should be enough but the fear is that it just isn't. Ryanna is smart. She is sensative and kind. She wants to make good choices and be a good friend. I'm so proud she is my little girl. The other side of it though is that she can explode. She can hurt(as Quinten learned yesterday and has the bite marks to prove it). She already has an unalterable opinion about nearly everything and only changes her mind on her own terms. She is anxious when seperated from me. In short she is I believe socially and emotionally immature for her age and I am afraid she needs a mom who is a "specialist" or some other version of highly qualified. To be clear I do not believe Ryanna is one of a kind nor do I believe she will in any way fail to live a full and accomplished life. The fear is more centered in my belief that all her combustable energy and potential simply needs the right careful directing in order to meet that happy/satisfied/successful end AND (here is the key) I am not sure exactly how to do the directing part. I'll keep doing my best but what if my best just isn't enough. To fail this beautiful girl is the greatest tragedy I can imagine. So what is "enough" and how can I deliver it? I honestly don't know. I do know that I'll keep giving all that I have, all the while praying that God will make up the difference.

I wonder if this is at all like the way God feels about me or you. Having such clarity of all we are capable of, all we are infinitely worth. But having to let us start from infancy and grow. Grow into that divine person he already knows we are but of which we are completely underestimating. Letting us go knowing we have weaknesses, fears, pain, or loneliness but ensuring a way to find peace, love and guidence all along the way. I know His guidance has made all the difference in my life and I guess I've finally come to the only thing I find comfort in as I worry about my own precious girl. It really won't come down to me as her mother. She was His girl first and I have to believe that somehow his desire for her success and happiness is even greater than mine.

I guess I have to make a correction. I am capable of spontanious tears and the gratitude I feel right now is the balm that I needed.



Ryanna's picture of the night baby Jesus was born. I especially
like Mary and the angel's hair that she says makes them pretty.



Natural Comedians

My kids are natual comedians. They get me laughing every day especially when they're not trying to. Quinten's constant stream of jibberish is starting to sound like real phrases and attempts at communication.Out of these phrases my favorite, however, is "Got Poop!" He points at his diaper and declares in a sure voice "Mom, Got Poop." I check his pants and find a dry diaper but within 20 minutes or so sure enough he has "GOT POOP!" I tried to use this information to see if he might feel big if I sat him on the toilet but he didn't like that at all. He just wants to give me a heads up that poop is on its way. I'm thinking this could come in handy as well as being hilarious.

Perfect Pumpkin and our Curious Cat!

Halloween....what a WEIRD holiday. It is loads of fun when you have little kids to dress up but could there be a worse time for sugar loading?? Right at the onset of cold and flu season!?!? My kids really don't have candy very often so the effect was obvious with Quinten getting up a few times in the night with what I guess was a tummy ache even though he only had 2 or 3 pieces of candy. Still we had a great time and especially loved having Brian with us for the first time. He usually worked the Halloween events for the radio station. The kids had a really great time and we are enjoying these ages and stages of their life.

My talented friend Mindy took pics of the kids. Here is a
little preview. Can't wait to see the rest!!!

We went to the Mayor's Walk at the Rec
Center. When Ryanna realized everyone
would give her candy, she decided she
wasn't shy afterall!

Ryanna wouldn't hold still for the whiskers
as I'm sure you can tell. She was still the
cutest curious Kitty of the night!

Q got lots of suckers - his FAVORITE!

Once he had that sucker he didn't care about
the other candy booths.

We had SO much fun at the Mayor's Walk
and then at our ward Trunk or Treat. Now
to just get rid of all this candy without
ME eating it!!!

Why can't I keep my kitchen clean?!?! Oh yeah....

How to eat an apple:
Step 1 - Dip in nearest container. For this demonstration
I'll be using this glass of orange julius.

Step 2: Raise proudly and let the excess juice run off onto
the table, floor, chair. For advanced learners
try getting some juice on the surrounding walls.

Step 3: Partake.

Finally and most importantly: Offer mom your sweetest smile to
avoid any consequence or an end to the fun.

What do you do with your noodles?

Next time try practicing your letters!

Dad's on Fall Break... PARTY TIME!

Approaching the runway...

I can FLY!

Daddy Launch Pad



Train in hand, out for a stroll and...

I'm walking on air!

Adventure to Steinaker to "go fishing"

Found her fishing pole!
(we bought some string to tie on the end)

Q LOVED riding his bike along the bridge
It wraps around what used to be the
water's edge.

She does exists!

I've had a few remarks that I'm never in any pictures and that is for one obvious reason - I'm the one taking the pictures. I was thinking how cute Bri's pictures with the kids are from yesterday and decided I better make a pic with Mommy happen!

Shelly really wasn't invited to be in this picture but
found a seat right in the middle of us.

Today was Q's first day in nursery and he did great.
These two kids hold my heart!

Thought I'd throw this in as an accurate representation of
how our everyday life is like. :)

"Hey Ryanna, what month is it?" - "FALL!"

We were in Walmart this afternoon and Ryanna saw the pumpkins. She immediately started talking about last year how we had a pumpkin and made a face in it. I asked her if we should do that again and she got so excited saying, "Can we mom? That will be so fun!" So she picked one out and we headed home to do this...

Sooooo WE CARVED A PUMPKIN TONIGHT!
Ryanna came running down with her scooper from
last year all ready to go. I had no idea she still had it
or remembered what it was for.

Q loves rocks(especially sucking on them) and he came up
with the plan to fill the jack-o-lantern with rocks and Ryanna
was immediately on board. They served as a great base for
the candle.

If you're not afraid for the safety of the pumpkin you should
be....Quinten is also known as BAM BAM!

Can you tell how much these two adore each other?

Note Q's killer boots. They are a size too big but Quinten
practically hyperventilates when you put them on him.
Makes him feel tough and manly!

I love capturing these moments!





Add pumpkins to the list of weird things Shelly loves.
Other items on this list include spiders and carrots...



Game on Amy!

I have a great family. Both sides. I grew up in the same speck on the map town with my dad's side; Grandma and Grandpa down the road, cousins invading each others homes torturing the younger more defenseless ones(me for example). I love all my cousins and yes, I have a lot of them!

I want to tell you about one that is very important to me right now. My Amy. I like to call her that and started it the summer before I met Brian(and I dropped off the face of the earth for a while). To sum it up she is special to me. Why? Well for one thing she let me sit on the bus with her and look through the pictures in her wallet. I was in 1st or 2nd grade and she was in jr. high or high school I think(to me she was all grown up and cool beyond description). Our time together was hit and miss while I was growing up. I remember her living with Grandma and Grandpa which was awsome because then I could go and look at all her grown up doodads hanging on the wall. She had this one board that was covered in quotes and again I knew she was the coolest most grown up person on the planet. Plus, she had gorgeous poofy hair that was a dream. Then she moved to Maine to become a nanny and her coolness level skyrocketed. We weren't pen pals or anything but Grandma would keep me up to date and I think we wrote one or two letters during those years she lived away. Then the time came when I would come home for the summers between semesters at BYU. This was when she and I really grew close because we are both opinionated loud mouths who truly get a kick out of ourselves. Put us together and we're an unstoppable force of self hilarity.

I love this picture for 2 main reasons.
#1. Amy and I look like such cheeseball goobers
#2. Grumpy is clearly trying to get away and we are
holding him hostage!!

  Probably our favorite thing to do together(when we weren't solving world crisis issues) was tease Grandpa. And when he wasn't around we loved to talk about teasing Grandpa, the things he said, songs he sang, and his one-of-a-kind insults that you always knew were his way of saying he loves ya. Well, at this time we united in calling him "Grumpy." Don't start calling us disrespectful either because this is the man who on many occasions sang us the Mrs. 5 x 5 song. Never heard of it? Well here's how it goes:

Mrs. five by five.
She's five feet tall and she's five feet wide.
She don't measure no more from head to toe,
As she does from side to side.

Obviously he's the only person who could get away with this so don't try, unless getting your eyes clawed out sounds fun to you. ;) We often told each other that we were Grandpa's favorites. Not necessarily favorite grandaughter or grandchild, just his Favorites in general life. We were sure, while he often asked us to pipe down, that he was immensely proud of our wit and boisterous nature. Whether that is true or not we joked(and continue to joke) about it and the magic of believing it has made it true in our own minds.

When I got the phone call about Grandpa being in the hospital Amy was one of the first people I thought of because my relationship with her has always been closely tied to our dear Grumpy. She was there in Billings when I got there. She took the second trip to the hospital with me and the entire 2 hour drive there and back was like a conversation marathon, like 2 hens cackling as Grumpy would have called us. When he passed away she was the first person I talked to aside from my immediate family and I knew she understood EXACTLY how I was feeling because she was feeling it too. She knew the family needed each other and took work off and just came. She checked on Grandma and brought cake from a coworker and watched my kids while I worked frantically on things for the funeral. She came the next day too. And the next. She helped me with the slide show and cried with me and talked with me. The whole family was grieving but it was especially comforting for me to have Amy there that whole week because Grandpa was her Grumpy too.

Some people have more than their share of trials in life and in the very least Amy has had beyond anyone's fair share of health trials. She is right now in fact in a physical battle for her life though most people would never guess it. She's still the one telling the stories to my little brothers to make them laugh hysterically. Still the one checking on Grandma and praying daily for her to find peace and comfort. Still being the dutiful grandaughter to Joyce who can always count on her. Still my Amy. I wrote this because writing is theraputic. If you've never tried it you should. And you should always write for yourself if you want it to do any real healing. I also wrote this not only to show my love but to honor a person I've looked up to since I was a little girl and to tell her I've got her back.

So to Amy: Game is on and I'm with you as we battle for your health and happiness!

Flower Girl from ... well you decide ;)

Time for my big debut....alright, I can do this.

No one told me there were pictures involved!

Deep breath...almost time.

Yeah nevermind. I don't want to do this.

I said NEVERMIND! This isn't as cool as I thought it would be.

What are you doing mom? PICK THEM UP!

Get me out of here. NOW!

Role on the ground round 2. Now do you believe me!?!?

What in the world just happened....



Wow......are girls always going to be this complicated?
-That's gotta be what Tallyn(ringbearer) was thinking!!