Do I even dare...

...to write a post after about a month or two of hiding in Kristin's shadows? Not much on my mind except for work and my other work. Usually I have used this spot on the web to glorify my church basketball victories or sulk in html about the games we lost. I don't play anything right now, so the competative flare hasn't been in me since swearing up and down at the JAZZ/LAKERS series. So, shall we get my blood boiling by talking about Tim Donahee... or whatever his name is. The NBA ref that claims series' in the NBA were fixed. Nah... I always knew what he was saying anyway....

Work #1 - The CAN DO CREW. Here is the Can Do Crew site
A pretty non-stress job except for one factor which I will mention below somewhere.

I work with students who have one disability or another. We call them disabilities, but I am quickly learning that their strengths are just different than ours. The students, 12 in all, are awesome. About half have jobs and the other half doesn't. About 3 quarters of them are good workers, the other fourth are learning. The whole point.

I am now a certified Job Coach, which was one of the 3 requirements to me getting the job. The other two include a Special Ed degree/endorsement which I have 3 years to complete, and a CDL so that I can drive my "half buses," or otherwise called "mini-buses" usually associated with Special Ed. I should get the CDL and bus endorsement this summer.

So, basically I am not HQ (highly qualified) but I should be someday. The thought of going back to school really doesn't bother me, that isn't the stressful part of my job. The stressful part is the RECYCLING program that the city and county have given me to run. I was blinded by ignorance when I agreed to get it back up and running. (The CAN DO CREW has traditionally run a small recycling operation) The city wants it to now be bigger and better than ever, but what I want to convince them of is the fact that I am a teacher in the Uintah School District and I would love to help the recycling program, not run it. I literally have nightmares about recycling and other nights I can't even sleep at all!

Work #2 - X94 Website It is no secret to anyone who really knows me that I am a Radio DJ. As much as I hate being called a DJ I can't think of anything better, maybe a radio host. But to be a radio host I feel like I have to have a real show, not just music with artist and titles mixed in, but a show like Sean Hannity, Glen Beck or Dr. Laura. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to do talk radio (Except for maybe sports), but I really need to incorporate my show into a radio program that is dependable and entertaining with music too. I don't need to be the star, I just need to entertain.

I don't want to be the star. One of the rules that Kristin has for our new ward is that she is not allowed to tell anyone what my parttime job is. I find that I feel uncomfortable when people expect me to be the same in person as I am on the air, outgoing and goofy. At church I am so much more reserved... in fact I really don't talk much at church. The beauty about radio is that people know my voice and not my face. In my last ward, I had many of my young men sit in on the morning show I used to be a part of for job shadowing, and that was fine. BUT in the last church basketball game I played in, one of those same young men just kept yelling, "GO BRIAN FROM X94!!" At that moment I was hot-headed Brian from the 9th ward, not Brian from X94. I must differentiate.

Anyway, X94 is not a source of stress directly, just indirectly. I could do my shift in my sleep, but I am constantly being challenged by my boss. WHICH IS GOOD, the downside is that I tend to be a worry wort and over-think things, thinking that my efforts are disappointing my boss. It's just me wanting to be perfect and the boss only wants me to keep improving because he knows how stale radio work can be. He doesn't want me to be bored.

Even though I only really put in 17-22 hours a week, I lose sleep with this job as well. There are the times When I really screw up.. it seems that when I do, I mess up with something very big and it can destroy me emotionally/mentally for a couple days ....

Regardless....

I do think that I am learning a balance. With summer here, I only work half days at the school job and that leaves a lot of good time at home. Ryanna is sure growing up and I am trying to make an effort to do more than just watch her from a distance.

-Brian